So I've been a Christian for a while but had never really felt like I was living for Him. I'd always known about God (brought up in a Christian family and attending church pretty much every week) but never really experienced him personally. Then on one occasion on a trip to Manchester with my youth group during a worship session anyone who hadn't spoken in tongues before were invited to come to the front if they wanted to, and so I went. The guy leading told us to breath in and out deeply and then counted down from 3. Once he reached 1 he told us to take a deep breath. And sure enough, on the outbreath I experienced something truly surreal, something truly amazing. A load of random sounds spurted out of my mouth and I was just astounded at what God could do in me, yes me...that average girl who'd been living an average life, nothing extraordinary. Yet He knew me and He cared. But something stopped me from allowing this to change me life. I was unwilling to hand it over to Him. Over the years I experienced many occasions of real worship, feeling his presence yet still I wanted to be the one in control of my life and was still just allowing God to enter into the times I wanted Him to. I continued to learn from God but my life wasn't as it was supposed to be, it wasn't all His. But my time at university has been full of opportunities and challenges and I believe God has been trying to do something in me, changing me from the inside out. He has been teaching me to be expectant, to value His praise over anyone else's and to lean on Him (some hard stuff there right). I have also had the chance to examine my own heart and look deeper to find out what I truly believe and know to be true. Faith and doubt are issues I've struggled with (and admittedly still struggle with) as today's society is all about proving knowledge and proving truth with 100% certainty. Of course this is where faith comes to play as we are asked to trust God.
I've always believed baptism to be something that should be done but never really felt I was ready and so I thought I should sort my life out first. Of course this makes no sense as what can we do? And so on Friday 18th March 2011 when I felt a strong urge to be baptised after thinking about it for the week I decided to get my act together and do as He says as an illustration of my willingness to follow Him and as a public acknowledgement that He is my God. (I mean He's willing to accept us in whatever condition we're in and just longs to be with us). Thank God for giving me the courage to follow it through! So I'm now living this new life, set free from all that went before. In fact after I'd been baptised I felt that God really had cleansed me of my sin and though I can still look back on it if I choose to I no longer feel any sense of fear, anger or guilt towards what I'd done as it is finished (John 19:30), He has done it. So I am free. Free from my sins, free from what I deserved as a sinner and, now, free to live for Him. Sure that doesn't mean life's not gonna be hard or that I won't face any struggles but it does mean that I won't be alone, I'll have God by my side. God's gonna be there in my highs and lows, when I feel like talking to Him and when I don't. But what more could you want than your own Creator who knows you more than you know yourself (I mean He made you so of course He does!), who know's what's best for us and has a limitless amount of love to give us? So yes, Jesus I am yours and you are mine.
